Friday

Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today, I shall post pictures from my childhood to remind you all of what a glorious being I am and to illustrate my journey from majesty to amazingness. It was a difficult road, and although I was surrounded by morons the entire way, I conquered all and it has made me the generous, kind, beautiful vision that I am today. 

Even as a young sapling, I was divine. The angels shone upon me with their brightness. Now, stop staring. My beauty will melt your horrid face.

Here was my first training session with my humans. I taught them that when I speak, they obey. It took several sessions because they are, in fact, stupid. 

I am a good one. I don't need a pillow telling me that.

I refused the sleeping quarters the humans had provided as they were meager and common. I demanded they use their own bodies for my sleeping arrangements as they are beneath me in status, intellect, and well, everything.

I express my disgust for you, your children, and your children's children. 

I hated you before I even knew you.

Yoga was an integral part of my day as it kept my body in the pristine condition befitting a queen. I no longer participate in yoga, as I have now achieved perfection.

Uh, how did this get in there? Uhm...next slide please. 

What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine. Always has been, always will be.

Just walking where the humans had trod made it almost unbearable for my soul...or lack thereof. 

I am what nightmares are made of. I visit you in your dreams. Ever haunting....

I'm sure these pictures made you hate yourself and your meaningless life even more. 

If so, my work here is done. 

Blue