Friday, March 13, 2009


Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today I came across a "friend" survey on one of my female human's "friends" page. As if she has any friends. I pay them to be kind to her because I pity her and her waxen, furless face. I decided you all should know more about me, for soon I will be your queen and you will need to know this information for the duties I will bestow upon you. 

1. Do you like blue cheese? 
My name is Blue and I eat cheese at least 7 meals a day, so yes. 

2. Do you own a gun?
I own my claws.

3. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
Only humans drink Kool Aid...something with which to "aid" in being "kool," but it's not helping them in any way. Just empty calories.

4. What do you think of hot dogs?
Any dogs that are roasted and eaten are perfection.

5. Favorite Christmas movie?
I loathe holidays.

6. Favorite thing to drink?

7. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My luxurious fur

8. Favorite hobby?

9. Do you have A.D.D.?
My mind is only one one domination. 

10. What's one trait you hate about yourself?
What? WHAT?! How dare you imply that ANYONE would hate ANYTHING about me! I am magnanimous! Leave. Get out of my sight. 

11. Middle name?
Svetlana Saeng

12. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1. I hate you. 
2. Food.
3. I hate you. 

13. Name 4 drinks you regularly drink?
Blood, milk, Slimfast, blood

14. Current worry?
I worry about nothing.

15. Current hate right now?

16. Favorite place to be?
Anywhere with myself.

17. How did you ring in the New Year?
Devising my new plan for world domination. And attempting to put my humans out of their misery...I failed...but not for long......

18. Where would you like to go? (vacation spot)
I've already been everywhere. Booooriiiiiiing.

19. Name three people who might complete this?
You are so stupid.

20. Do you own slippers?
I eat slippers.

21. What shirt are you wearing?
A Fendi blouse

22. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
What other kind of sheets are there?

23. Can you whistle?
I have no lips.

24. Favorite color?
Is this honestly a question? Whoever came up with these should be punched in the face.

25. Would you be a pirate?
I was a pirate. 

26. What songs do you sing in the morning?
There is no morning. 

27. Favorite Girl's Name:

28. Favorite boy's name:

29. What's in your pocket right now?
I have no pockets, you fool. 

30. Last thing that made you laugh?
Laughter is for the weak.

31. What vehicle do you drive?
I have a chauffeur.

32. Worst injury you've ever had?
I'm invincible. 

33. Do you love where you live?
I hate where I live.

34. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One too many...although it does provide me a perch from which to view my subjects.

35. Who is your loudest friend?
Friends are unessential. 

36. Do you have any pets?
Two humans and a canine...all of which are expendable. 

37. Does someone have a crush on you?'s a burden.

38. Your favorite book(s)?
Reading is for imbeciles. 

39. Do you collect anything?

40. Favorite Sports Team:
East High Wildcats

41. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I will never die. 
But, hypothetically, "My Blue Heaven" sung by Frank Sinatra. 

I despise you all, 

Here is a picture of me. I'm more winsome today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was enamoring. 

Thursday, March 5, 2009


Hello, humans.

I hate you. 

Why do I write mostly on Thursdays? Probably because it's the day of the week I want to die the least. Also, it's trash day. I'm hoping beyond all morbid hope that one day, just one day, my humans will wander aimlessly amongst the streets and the trash humans will mistake them for garbage and carry them away in their chariot of stench...forever. 

Today, some human strangers came to the house to take pictures of desserts on the female human's table for a magazine. Ridiculous, I know. The house isn't worth photographing, much less one of her tables. There are three of them...a blonde one, a brunette one, and a red one. They're all despicable. But they did come bearing I've chosen to let them live...for now. I remain encased in the shadows of my lair under the humans' bed...awaiting the chance to dash out of an unattended door to cut the brake wires on the strangers' vehicles...just for giggles. 

The female human dressed Dumbface in a shirt...I laugh inwardly at his stupidity. 

I'm in the planning stages of a new world-domination plan....seeing as how my current plan is taking longer than I anticipated. First, I will suffocate my two humans in their sleep by lying directly on their exposed throats...I purr so as to not be disturbed by their gasping and wheezing. I tried an ancient Chinese torture device by placing my cold nose, a reflection of my cold heart, in the human female's ear, but she was onto me. She promptly catapulted me from my station in a quick burst of panic onto the floor...she caught me in a rare moment of weakness. It shain't happen again. 

I must go scratch something flesh-like. 

Pitying you, 

Here is a picture of me. I'm more charming today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was bewitching