I hate you.
I must apologize for not writing for many days. I've been incredibly busy not caring about you. Most people do not understand the intricate goings-on of my days. Most people are too daft to realize they're alive. I will not explain it to you. No doubt you're having trouble even reading this sentence. *sigh*
Yesterday, my two human servants wrapped Christmas presents. I assisted them. I left a little present in one of them as a surprise. Ha, Dirty Santa indeed. I am a genius.
My canine servant, the one I call Dumbface, has agreed to be dressed up in Christmas apparel every night for the humans' amusement. I must admit, he is quite a sight to behold...even stupider-looking than when he's not dressed up. If I could laugh, I would bellow sarcasm in his scruffy face, mocking his ridiculousness. Until I master the odd art of human emotion, I will settle for maintaining my incessant smirk. See below.
I hope you have a dreary day.
Here is a picture of me. I'm more magnificent today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was fabulous.