Yesterday was my birthday. In human years, I am 5.
In cat years, I am perfect.
The humans attempted to present some sort of offering in celebration of this most joyous day, my day of birth. It was crude and unwanted, but since I am their supreme monarch and they are my minions, I blessed them and their simple gift with a twitch of my whiskers.
Happy Birthday to me. And Happy Birthday to me to you, for I have allowed you to live.
This is Kitty's blog, but I don't think she'll mind!
I love Kitty!
I love her so much!
D'you hear that?
You should come over and play!
Mom won't mind!
She loves people!
I love people!
I love you!
D'you hear that?
I took a picture of myself!
It's me! It's Seumas!
Because it's a picture!
HEY! It's Kitty!
I love Kitty!
I love you, Kitty!
Why do you look mad?
NO OF COURSE I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY, YOU INSOLENT MONGREL! OUT, OUT I SAY!!!
Wonderful. Now I'll have to bleach the entire room. Sigh. Such a disgrace to his kind...such a sad life-form. I pity him, really. I apologize for the interruption of my esteemed blog. It shain't happen again. Carry on with your monotonous lives, humans.
Today, I shall post pictures from my childhood to remind you all of what a glorious being I am and to illustrate my journey from majesty to amazingness. It was a difficult road, and although I was surrounded by morons the entire way, I conquered all and it has made me the generous, kind, beautiful vision that I am today.
Even as a young sapling, I was divine. The angels shone upon me with their brightness. Now, stop staring. My beauty will melt your horrid face.
Here was my first training session with my humans. I taught them that when I speak, they obey. It took several sessions because they are, in fact, stupid.
I am a good one. I don't need a pillow telling me that.
I refused the sleeping quarters the humans had provided as they were meager and common. I demanded they use their own bodies for my sleeping arrangements as they are beneath me in status, intellect, and well, everything.
I express my disgust for you, your children, and your children's children.
I hated you before I even knew you.
Yoga was an integral part of my day as it kept my body in the pristine condition befitting a queen. I no longer participate in yoga, as I have now achieved perfection.
Uh, how did this get in there? Uhm...next slide please.
What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine. Always has been, always will be.
Just walking where the humans had trod made it almost unbearable for my soul...or lack thereof.
I am what nightmares are made of. I visit you in your dreams. Ever haunting....
I'm sure these pictures made you hate yourself and your meaningless life even more.
I hate you. I blog to occupy my days until, along with my feline companions, I am able to enslave humankind and reign supreme as their queen. I currently own three servants - a female human, a male human, and an idiot canine. They less than adequately meet the needs of my daily requirements. I cannot blame them, for they are mindless and ignorant drudges. But, I, in my graciousness, have assured them safe passage throughout their dull lives so long as they serve me diligently.