Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today, I realize it has been far too long since I have cursed you and your children and your children's children. And anyone you know. I don't apologize for my lack of blogginess, I merely state that I don't care about you. And if you disappeared today, no one would even notice. 

Recently, my humans were allowed a leave of absence and I, in my graciousness, did not burn the house down. They traveled to some dismal place called Bermuda...more like Boremuda. In their vacancy, I, along with Me and Myself, accomplished many things...

I built a dirigible out of dishwasher parts and dirty laundry. It's in the back yard. You never know when you'll either need to make a quick escape or parade your gloriousness around the world in front of your new subjects. 

I used my blades of death to scratch a 3" long fissure into the back of the for each day of the week my humans were gone. And one for each day of the week that I was awesome...which was twice a day. 

I made napalm. Just to have on hand. 

I wrote a poem...
The grass glistens with dew.
I can't express enough
How much I really really really hate you.

I wrote a song...
The grass glistens with dew...yeah baby
I can't express enough
How much I really really really hate you...oh yeah

I illegally downloaded 24 movies and 904 songs. 

I ate some lipstick. 

I made four scientific discoveries...
1. A+B+C-R-105\the variable of the root of the difference = You're stupid
2. An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force...or my fist
3. Hydrogen molecules combined with a drop of human blood does nothing. It was a waste to cut that human.
4. Blueus caticus is the most pure form of perfection in the material world. 

Here is a picture of me. I'm more sensational today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was pulchritudinous (sound it syllable at a time.)

Go jump off something tall,