I hate you.
Today the male human was dreadfully sick. He didn't die from it, which made me sick, but I must live on. I thought maybe the concoction of dog food, antihistamines, lipstick and urine I blended together and laced amongst his toothbrush bristles might have finally done him in, but alas, he has survived...although the hideousness of being an insipid invalid has done wonders for his pallid face. I do believe I am not the only brilliant feline roaming these lands (although, I am the most beautiful), as I have heard from the female human that many of their species have been overtaken by this illness. Bah HAA...my plan is working! At last.
The female oooed over him all day...giving him juice, covering him with a blanket, taking his temperature...ha, a few times I removed the digital device and held it under the lamp, much to the male human's dismay...he couldn't do anything about it...he had come down with a "man cold" and was rendered useless. When the female returned and saw the reading at 134.6 degrees Fahrenheit, I snickered beneath my cold and concrete facade as she tried to determine why he wasn't engulfed in flames at the moment. She looked at me as though I had something to do with it...I just glared, flicked my whiskers and yawned...bored almost. Stupid humans.
I hope you trip over your shoelaces and make fools out of yourselves...oh wait, you don't have to trip to do that. Ha.
Why do I bother,
Here is a picture of me. I'm more alluring today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was exquisite.