Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wednesday

Hello, humans.

I hate you.

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

Who cares. I don't.

To be quite honest, I was hoping the Apocalypse would have occurred by now and all that remained was zombies, which I could easily outrun and throw things at, and my feline minions...and we would finally RULE THE WORLD. Mwaaah ha haaaaaaa!!! But alas, my dream has crumbled around me, because, yet again, here you are...in all your glorious stupidity.

Many changes have taken place in my kingdom since last whenever I wrote. The oversized female human is not as oversized anymore and produced two miniature female humans. I've named them One and Two. World-ending realization...when they did learn to procreate? This is the last thing I needed...another hurdle in my journey toward world domination. But...just a small hiccup. I shall adapt. The newlings look alike and I've had a difficult time deciding which one to eat first.

They smell horrendously, and despite the larger humans' attempts to sanitize them...nothing works. They smell like cabbage and burnt hair.

I have asked to be relocated to new, more accommodating chambers. The environment is much more to my liking...solitary and quiet...the garage. I also have access to this new place I call Outside. I had no idea this world existed. It's...it's beautiful. I've become the leader of a group of feline companions...Joaquin, Lazy, Mange, and Stephanie. We have enslaved some birds, a few bugs, two mice, the neighborhood dogs–Riley, Rocky and Brilliance...all to do our bidding. My evil doings are coming to fruition. I LOVE OUTSIDE!

But I still hate you...and One and Two.

Gaze upon my beauty and weep at its magnificence. Then look away...don't look at me...I AM ROYALTY! YOU DO NOT LOOK AT ME!

2 comments:

Micki said...

Shhhh please don't tell Blue but I am glad THE Cat came inside long enough to update.

T and C Sligh said...

i am super pumped that blue came inside for a bit!!!