I hate you.
Today...well, yesterday...my humans requested an audience with myself. I graciously granted it. I am a very generous individual. Dumbface was also present. My humans proceeded to tell me that they have ordered a new human to join my household staff and will be available for service starting January 2010. This pleased me greatly as the chores have gone unmanned for quite some time and I've been looking to add new warm bodies to my servant roster. And also because I eat babies for breakfast. Delicious. They also mentioned things like "dirty diapers" and "crying" and "late nights" and "outdoor cat," but my attention was demanded elsewhere...my exquisite reflection in a mirror.
Today, I have fashioned a chariot on which I will be carried around the premises by Dumbface...my beast of burden. One of the many perks of ruling a kingdom.
Here is a picture of me. I'm more delightful today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was divine.
I send all my loathing and despair...from the bottom of the hollow pit where my heart once was,