Wednesday

Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today, I realize it has been far too long since I have cursed you and your children and your children's children. And anyone you know. I don't apologize for my lack of blogginess, I merely state that I don't care about you. And if you disappeared today, no one would even notice. 

Recently, my humans were allowed a leave of absence and I, in my graciousness, did not burn the house down. They traveled to some dismal place called Bermuda...more like Boremuda. In their vacancy, I, along with Me and Myself, accomplished many things...

I built a dirigible out of dishwasher parts and dirty laundry. It's in the back yard. You never know when you'll either need to make a quick escape or parade your gloriousness around the world in front of your new subjects. 

I used my blades of death to scratch a 3" long fissure into the back of the couch...one for each day of the week my humans were gone. And one for each day of the week that I was awesome...which was twice a day. 

I made napalm. Just to have on hand. 

I wrote a poem...

Outside

The grass glistens with dew.

I can't express enough

How much I really really really hate you.

I wrote a song...

Outside

The grass glistens with dew...yeah baby

I can't express enough

How much I really really really hate you...oh yeah

I illegally downloaded 24 movies and 904 songs. 

I ate some lipstick. 

I made four scientific discoveries...

1. A+B+C-R-105\the variable of the root of the difference = You're stupid

2. An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force...or my fist

3. Hydrogen molecules combined with a drop of human blood does nothing. It was a waste to cut that human.

4. Blueus caticus is the most pure form of perfection in the material world. 

Here is a picture of me. I'm more sensational today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was pulchritudinous (sound it out...one syllable at a time.)

Go jump off something tall,

Blue

Tuesday

Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today, I pillaged and burned. 

Humans = delicious,

Blue

Thursday

Hello, humans.

I hate you. 

Yesterday was my birthday. In human years, I am 5. 

In cat years, I am perfect. 

The humans attempted to present some sort of offering in celebration of this most joyous day, my day of birth. It was crude and unwanted, but since I am their supreme monarch and they are my minions, I blessed them and their simple gift with a twitch of my whiskers. 

Happy Birthday to me. And Happy Birthday to me to you, for I have allowed you to live. 

Today, I pity you for you are not me.

Blue

Hey! It's me! It's Seumas!

Hey! 

It's me! 

It's me! 

I'm Seumas! 

Hey! 

Hi! 

How are you? 

I'm fine! 

Hey!

Hey!

I just wanted to say Hey!

This is Kitty's blog, but I don't think she'll mind!

I love Kitty! 

I love her so much!

D'you hear that?

Anyways!

You should come over and play!

Mom won't mind!

She loves people!

I love people!

I love you!

D'you hear that?

Anyways!

I took a picture of myself!

Here!

See? 

It's me! It's Seumas!

Because it's a picture!

HEY! It's Kitty!

Hey, Kitty!

I love Kitty!

I love you, Kitty!

Why do you look mad?

Wanna play? 

NO OF COURSE I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY, YOU INSOLENT MONGREL! OUT, OUT I SAY!!! 

Wonderful. Now I'll have to bleach the entire room. Sigh. Such a disgrace to his kind...such a sad life-form. I pity him, really. I apologize for the interruption of my esteemed blog. It shain't happen again. Carry on with your monotonous lives, humans. 

Oh, and I hate you. 

Blue

Tuesday

Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today, my blog is freaking awesome. 

Today, and everyday, I am freaking awesome. 

Pining for your adoration...not, 

Blue

Friday

Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today, I shall post pictures from my childhood to remind you all of what a glorious being I am and to illustrate my journey from majesty to amazingness. It was a difficult road, and although I was surrounded by morons the entire way, I conquered all and it has made me the generous, kind, beautiful vision that I am today. 

Even as a young sapling, I was divine. The angels shone upon me with their brightness. Now, stop staring. My beauty will melt your horrid face.

Here was my first training session with my humans. I taught them that when I speak, they obey. It took several sessions because they are, in fact, stupid. 

I am a good one. I don't need a pillow telling me that.

I refused the sleeping quarters the humans had provided as they were meager and common. I demanded they use their own bodies for my sleeping arrangements as they are beneath me in status, intellect, and well, everything.

I express my disgust for you, your children, and your children's children. 

I hated you before I even knew you.

Yoga was an integral part of my day as it kept my body in the pristine condition befitting a queen. I no longer participate in yoga, as I have now achieved perfection.

Uh, how did this get in there? Uhm...next slide please. 

What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine. Always has been, always will be.

Just walking where the humans had trod made it almost unbearable for my soul...or lack thereof. 

I am what nightmares are made of. I visit you in your dreams. Ever haunting....

I'm sure these pictures made you hate yourself and your meaningless life even more. 

If so, my work here is done. 

Blue

Wednesday

Hello, humans. 

I hate you. 

Today, I ended my humans' sad existence and now reign as humanity's Supreme Empress. 

I wish that were true. Sigh. Unhappy April Fool's day to you imbeciles. 

Go slap yourself, 

Blue